I never dreamed of finding the one that is destined for me. I am a person who never plan. I trust that things will be done according to His plan and with that I have to follow, to go with the script, with my role in that script. I always look at life as if it is a one great show. A play. In it, we all have our own characters, our own scripts, our own verses to recite. So I just watched and waited for my turn. Then someone came. It was not magical at all. No fireworks, no fireflies. All were just normal, maybe because me and that someone were just waiting for the perfect timing for we were both in a twisted situation by then. And it didn't work. We had to part ways.
Then years passed. We met by seconds, only by fate, only by chance and we never have long conversation. Our eyes met and our skins touched but only by a distance, all were limited. Until the day that we finally had the courage and the perfect situation to find a reason to talk. In just a few time we finally drew ourselves into the same situation we were before. We never realized that the feelings we had before had grown deeply, rooted to our inner soul and had never diminished even in that long time, even without seeing each other, even with the long years of distance. But this time, our situation got worse. We were more drooled in relationships we can no longer escape. We were both committed. Still, we found time to catch up. We met, not once but many times. Our love grew deeper but as it bloomed, the guilt that we had sprung up too. Until we reached the point that we decided, we have to part ways, again. And I agreed, again. :(
The magic, the dreams, the "one great love", the fate, all of these vanished. I felt the pain sunken down my veins. I felt cold, I was dead, literally and figuratively. I felt my heart suddenly stopped beating. I refused to feel all the pain so I fought. I pretended not to feel anything. I convinced myself that this might be the right thing to do. That may be that someone might be the "great love" and the "true love" of somebody else. And I maybe ruining that someone's destiny. So I let go. All the piercing pain run through my soul, up until now.
It wasn't really easy letting go of someone you've all dreamed of. You got used to the happiness you shared when you were together that even thinking that these won't happen again makes you go crazy. And you'll fight your breath hard until the last second of it. Then you'd realize, that someone is now gone and you have to move on. It's hard and there are no formula or special solution to cure all the hurt.
All that was left to me was hope. The tiny hope that has been there even before, even the years before we met and I am holding on to that feeling again. I will wait for the time when we can be together once more, that time may never come, I may soon be replaced in that someone's heart, I may be forgotten, but I will refuse to give up. I'll forever be here waiting, hurting but loving that someone more and more each days and years that we will be apart. For now, I will just dream of fire floss and pizza fries, by doing so, I know, we are one day closer to being together again.[This story is dedicated to a friend who has lost the love of her life, found and lost again. To you my friend, I hope that the time will come that you two will be together again. Hold on and have faith. ]
